question

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 8:28 pm

right so here goes. i no this aint no psyciatry lab or out but maybe some of you more experienced folk could give me the benefit of your wisdom? so im married told the missus i dont love her no more saw the pain i caused her and got back with her. problem.is although i love her im not in love with her. im in love with another who although is waiting aroind at minite i will lose if i dont break the wifes heart again. any suggestions on how to have the woman i want whilst causing minimal damage to the wife? shes innocent in all this i just fell for somebody i shouldnt have .

LordLuken · Unread post by **LordLuken** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 8:36 pm

Interesting question, I personally don't think there is gonna be an easy way to achieve your goal without hurting your wife. Unless things stay as they are and you forfeit the other person. I'm sure there will be others that will comment on here too.

royaldansk · Unread post by **royaldansk** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 9:15 pm

I'm a happily married man so it may sound hypocritical of me to say this as I do see girls from here from time to time, but the best thing you can do is break it off . although you love your wife you are IN love with another and it's unfair to her, your new lady and yourself to stay in a deadend relationship just to save a little heartache,that in time she will get over and move on from. At the moment you're just stringing her along with false hope in the relationship.
As hard as it will be just explain to her that you do love her but are no longer in love with her and it's unfair for both of you to carry on.try not to mention the other but if she comes up just be honest.
Just my opinion

Unread post by **lexi** » Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:07 pm

Tell your wife the truth...she deserves that or at least she deserves to have the chance to meet someone who will love her. There's no such thing as damage limitation when breaking up with someone. Excuse me for being blunt but grow a pair and be honest.

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Thu Jul 23, 2015 9:19 am

thankyou for your comments. i tend to agree with lexi though as my wife deserves somebody who loves her the way she deserves to be loved. she is still an amazing woman who deserves the very best which she isnt recieving from me. as for the other woman we are more compatible and she gets me a lot more . shes the only person that knows all my darkest secrets. and theres a few lol

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Thu Jul 23, 2015 12:30 pm

thankyou for your honesty . i know what iv got to do just got to grow a pair and get it done .

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Thu Jul 23, 2015 3:49 pm

no you are right dont apologize. im dont want to feel better about what iv done. i am the twat. that girls given.me 9 years of her life but cant help it just not being there anymore. just need to give her opportunity to.move on dont i. again thankyou for your opinions on this .

Unread post by **Wraith** » Thu Jul 23, 2015 11:38 pm

Happened to me after 16 years of marriage, it's hard very hard..you go around in circles searching for the easy option
when there isn't one to be found. Follow your heart everyhting worth having has a price.
I disagree with rd1 i have been with the same partner 14 years now and there isn't a day goes by when i dont think about how much i love her.
Having said that it took me 3 tries to get the right one

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Fri Jul 24, 2015 10:03 am

thankyou wraith. i do still love my wife when werr out n about things are great. problem.is its the constant sniping at each other ngetting on each others nerves when at home. she knows all is not well. im going to stop her suffering but should i keep the other woman out of it try spare some pain ?

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Tue Jul 28, 2015 7:46 pm

so yesterday i broke the news . now theres a whole world of crazy going on but its still a relief. told her everything including about the other woman as i decided truth will always out in the end. but at leadt all 3 parties can now live n.stop hiding

Unread post by **lexi** » Fri Jul 31, 2015 12:55 pm

hullnymph87 wrote:so yesterday i broke the news . now theres a whole world of crazy going on but its still a relief. told her everything including about the other woman as i decided truth will always out in the end. but at leadt all 3 parties can now live n.stop hiding

well done it takes balls to face up to things...it will be tough at the beginning but it will get better in the future

Unread post by **lexi** » Fri Jul 31, 2015 1:05 pm

room1day wrote:
lexi wrote:
hullnymph87 wrote:so yesterday i broke the news . now theres a whole world of crazy going on but its still a relief. told her everything including about the other woman as i decided truth will always out in the end. but at leadt all 3 parties can now live n.stop hiding
well done it takes balls to face up to things...it will be tough at the beginning but it will get better in the future
Your gunna look a twat if he comes back and says
She tried to too herself

she tried too what

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Fri Aug 07, 2015 9:36 am

cheers lexi. we now just about on talking terms trying to sort the financial side. i still feel a bit guilty but i would say to any man in similar position be true to yourself and dont live a lie. im happier now then i have been in a long time.

endoftheroadp · Fri Aug 07, 2015 3:39 pm

Lexi hit it right on the nose.

You only pass this way once and its not a practice, very few of us get it right even after several attempts.

I have had a few mates in situations akin to this and my advice has always been, get out and move on by staying you achieve nothing but will end up wasting two or more lives.

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:47 am

precisely right. we are a long time dead so live for today tomorrow might never come .

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Thu Nov 05, 2015 9:06 pm

So it's been a few months now since my original post and I thought I'd drop an update . I wasn't totally truthful in my original post as I neglected to point out that I felt alone and lonely due to a long battle with depression. It doesn't justify my actions in any way I no this but anybody who has ever had depression will tell you it's hard to come to terms with and to accept is in control of you . So iv changed women n the same lonely worthlessness has resurfaced . I'm speaking out because I have let this ruin my life for fear of speaking out and in some weird way hope it helps me to admit all and speak out to my loved ones . Time to be on my own now methinks n get myself better and happy with myself before I destroy any more lives .

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 12:39 pm

Thankyou . My gp has given me medication and given me a number to ring to get some counselling . So far number engaged . I have also arranged to meet a close friend tomorrow and intend to tell him everything . Many baby steps equals one giant stride after all .

slowdown · Unread post by **slowdown** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 6:12 pm

hullnymph87, perhaps coming on here admiting to and recognising that your depresion is the root cause of your perceived relationship difficulties is a big step to getting sorted. I have the experience of having lived alongside a person who suffered depression, it is a difficult illness to get a handle on, there doesn't always have to be a specific cause, it's just there. Meds will help to control the depression so don't shy away from them, as for the answer I don't have one, maybe today's counselliung is more advanced than I observed during the time I lived alongside the illness.

I wish you well.

Unread post by **lexi** » Fri Nov 06, 2015 8:21 pm

for a change I agree with slowdown

depression is a horrible illness and until you have suffered with it you cant really have an opinion. I have lived with people with depression all my life and I see how it effects people not just on a daily basis but on a hourly basis. I think its great that people are no longer afraid to talk about this and although it still has stigma it no longer has the stigma it used to have.

personally I have had depression most of the time people never realised there was anything wrong with me. I still have my moments however I now know how to deal with it without medication and that is something you will learn to do but in your own time.

regardless on our opinions you must do what is right for you, don't expect things to change over night. Ive had depression for over 10 years but it gets easier and when your ready you will start to feel better.

I really could go on about this subject but I wont. what I will do is wish you luck and never suffer in silence there is always somebody who you can talk to...

I hope that within time you will start to feel like you again but there is no rush take your time...you must get to know you again.

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Sun Nov 08, 2015 6:06 am

Thankyou people . It may seem silly but even just admitting I have a problem on here seems like a step forward . The meds will be staying for now and hopefully they will work somewhat . Thanks again for the support

Yorks83 · Unread post by **Yorks83** » Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:43 am

If it's ever not engaged, the counselling number will be very useful... I imagine it'd be cognitive behavioural therapy, which is considered very highly. No one can control all their thoughts but it helps you deal with the problematic ones... and can be useful long after the appointments have ended.

If that isn't what your GP gave you a number for, you can self-refer on 01482 301701 in the Hull area.

hullnymph87 · Unread post by **hullnymph87** » Mon Nov 09, 2015 9:55 am

Cheers Yorks. That's a different number to the one the gp gave me but its worth a try as can't get through on this one

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