funny sayings or quotes

[sophie]

This is an old one and it's from memory:

Man rings the police to say he's been burgled. Police say it will be about four hours before they can send anyone because they have no-one available..

Man waits 5 minutes and then phones the police to say that he's just shot dead a burglar.

2 minutes later police are swarming all over his house. They ask where the body is and the man tells them that there isn't a body. The cop says ''you told us you'd shot someone'' and the bloke says, ''and you told me you had no-one available.

(It's better when read in an Irish accent)

i like it and so true

[TheBaron]

Mary Had A Little Lamb
Midwife Had A Fit

[sophie]

Mary Had A Little Lamb
Midwife Had A Fit

[sophie]

you,ve been had
taken for a ride ,,(oh yes)

[sophie]

if you play to hard to get, you end up playing alone

[sophie]

you only get out what you put in

[sophie]

keep your eyes open and your mouth shut

[sophie]

ROXY is a Rampant Raunchy minx
LEXI is Leggy and Lusted after by many
ABBIE has an Angel face Admired so by many
BELINDA is a Barmy Bodylicious tease
GROOVY is Greedy Gobbling girl
and me i,m a Sod Sober or Sloshed

[thecageman]

She is so pure even Moses could'nt part her knees (Joan Rivers on Marie Osmond)

[johnty]

Marriage: putting one's hand into a bag of snakes on the chance of drawing out an eel.

Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do

[sophie]

some you win ,some you lose

[Beth]

I dont want to go to Heaven but Hell cant handle me!

[sophie]

if noahs ark brought elephants in 2 by two why do boats bring in by the hundreds

[Cullyclimb]

Don't ask for a lighter load..........ask for a stronger back.

[sophie]

if beauty is in the eye of the beholder don,t be alarmed if your offered a brown bag

[chancer]

Electric things run on smoke, if you let the smoke out then they're bolloxed

[sophie]

ten to a penny
give him an inch and he,ll take a mile
the pen is mighter than the sword

[roxy]

dont be shy ur wife woznt

[fartypants]

fu** it, it's only money!

[sophie]

love makes the world go round,,,,,,,,,,,,,think they fooked that one up

[kdruthless]

Couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo

Wouldn't stop a pig in an entry

(I'm still trying to figure out that second one myself)

[TheBaron]

Wouldn't stop a pig in an entry

alludes to bow legged man trying to stop a pig in a tenfoot

means u are useless

[kdruthless]

Wouldn't stop a pig in an entry

alludes to bow legged man trying to stop a pig in a tenfoot

means u are useless

Ta, been mulling that one over for months. May explain why I've gotta be back in Hull tomorrow for this resit.

[sophie]

had to do it.......
alls well that ends well

[Cullyclimb]

Heard yesterday:

After Monday and Tuesday comes W T F.