funny sayings or quotes

[tommybadman]

whats the difference between sin and shame ?

its a sin to stick it in , and a shame to take it out

Cheeky!

is that not allowed lol got loads of em, wont get told off will i

Not by any of us! Nice to see more ladies taking part in the silly stuff! All good so far.

[shyhullmale]

whats the difference between sin and shame ?

its a sin to stick it in , and a shame to take it out

Cheeky!

is that not allowed lol got loads of em, wont get told off will i

Not by any of us! Nice to see more ladies taking part in the silly stuff! All good so far.

Agreed Simone, join in any posts you wish to. Some are very serious, others are just a bit of fun, the more you join in the more the guys will notice you and want to visit you.

[chancer]

I can afford anything that I want.
Just so long as I don't want much.

[Cullyclimb]

I told you I was ill - Spike Milligan's epitaph

[fartypants]

quote off the radio this morning about the clipper race by some stupid reporter

It's very windy today I hope it doesn't cause problems with the yachts on the last leg???

They're sailing ships you fu##ing idiot, no wind = no last leg

[sophie]

....... They're sailing ships you fu##ing idiot, no wind = no last leg

Yes FP
more wind = swifter arrival
[the dumb twats]

there would have to be a lot of you there to move one of those



(anyone got any pegs)

[sophie]

“Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”

“You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.”

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”

[sophie]

So, what am I not supposed to have an opinion?
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman?
Call me a "bitch!", cause I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back
Suddenly big talker don't know how to act
So he does what every little boy would do
Making up a few false rumors or two

That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man that don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout out loud!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
So Lift your hands higher and wave them proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will

So what am I not supposed to say what I'm saying?
Are you offended with the message I'm bringing?
Call me whatever cause your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing

If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore

I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
Start a new beginning for us, everybody sing

This is for my girls all around the world
>Who've come across a man that dont respect your worth.
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout out loud
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down
Lil' Kim:
Check it - Here's something I just can't understand
If the guy have the girl then he's the man
He can even give her some head and sex her off
If the girl do the same, then she's a whore
But the table's 'bout to turn
I'll bet my fame on it
Cats take my ideas and put their names on it
Thats' alright though, you can't hold me down
I got to keep on movin'
To all my girls with a man who be tryin to mack
Do it right back to him and let that be that
You need to let him know that his game is whack
And Lil' Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back

You're just a little boy
Think you're so cute, so coy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things
Say, You're just a little boy
All you do is annoy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things

This is for my girls...
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down
Spread the word, can't hold us down
Yeah, we here, we back again, spread the word, can't hold us down!

[Dominic]

Wipe that smile off your face before i wipe it off for you.

Stop crying before i give you something to cry about.

Soul.
xxx

[sophie]

Well everyone got an opinion now don't they
But it ain't no thing to me
It really don't make any difference now to me
If you don't like what you see
I pay no mind to the negative kind
'Cause that's just no way to be
I don't stop to please someone else's needs
Gonna live my life for me

I'm gonna keep on
I'm gonna do my own thing
we've all got a song that we're meant to sing
And no matter what people say or might think
I ain't going no place, no I'm here to stay
Gonna keep on doing my thing
'Cause whether they love or they hatin' on me
I'll still be the same girl I used to be
'Cause I ain't going no place
No I'm here to stay, ohh yeah
I'm here to stay, ohh yeah

I've never been the type to be shy
I know some would say I'm too headstrong.
But i'd rather be a woman who voices her mind
Whether you think I'm right or wrong
And I know some people wanna criticize
Makes them feel better about themselves
So say what you will, time will reveal
In the end, that I will be here still

[Cullyclimb]

There are some questions that even Google can't answer. (seen outside a church today)

[fartypants]

Nostalgia is a waste of time, not like the good old days

[tommybadman]

OK ... so there's plenty more fish in the sea ... but there's plenty you wouldn't want to eat

...and sometimes all you catch is crabs.

[tommybadman]

Face like a plasterer's radio

[fartypants]

She's seen more helmets than Hitler

Face like a plasterer's radio

Got a fanny like a Hippos yawn

She's been shot over more times than Baghdad

She's handled more balls than David James

She's seen more stiffs than Quincy

She's been cocked more times than John Waynes shotgun

lol
She's seen more cocks than Bernard Matthews

[Cullyclimb]

She's seen more helmets than Hitler

Face like a plasterer's radio

Got a fanny like a Hippos yawn

She's been shot over more times than Baghdad

She's handled more balls than David James

She's seen more stiffs than Quincy

She's been cocked more times than John Waynes shotgun

lol
She's seen more cocks than Bernard Matthews

She was hung like a doughnut.

[sophie]

if it looks like shit, smells like shit, tastes like shit, it proberbly is shit

[sophie]

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
“Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.”
“Things do not change; we change.
“The key to success is often the ability to adapt”
There's no use talking about the problem unless you talk about the solution.
Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.”
“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect.”
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.”

[sophie]

Let every man judge according to his own standards, by what he has himself read, not by what others tell him.
When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.”

[Crann]

if my dog had a face like yours, id teach it to walk backwards.

you smell like a " Ben gay " factory

[Cullyclimb]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'



Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous

[sophie]

not a saying but part of a lyric and a good one

We got to give a little love, have a little hope
Make this world a little better
Try a little more, harder than before
Let’s do what we can do together

[sophie]

A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.

"For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'

[sophie]

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”


“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun”

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”

“If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people”

“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.”

God help you if you are an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

[Cullyclimb]

This is an old one and it's from memory:

Man rings the police to say he's been burgled. Police say it will be about four hours before they can send anyone because they have no-one available..

Man waits 5 minutes and then phones the police to say that he's just shot dead a burglar.

2 minutes later police are swarming all over his house. They ask where the body is and the man tells them that there isn't a body. The cop says ''you told us you'd shot someone'' and the bloke says, ''and you told me you had no-one available.

(It's better when read in an Irish accent)