Apparently I’m banned from ****

[champ]

Apparently I’m banned from St Stephens . They’ve kept good records on me I guess!! I'm okay with that though!
I just received this letter from St stephens corporate office:

Dear Mr Champ,

Over the past several months you have caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban you from the store. Complaints against you are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. Sept. 15: You took 24 packets of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. Oct .2: You set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Oct 7: You made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. Oct 19: you walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money

5. Nov 4: You went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.

6. Nov 14: You moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Nov 18: When an assistant asked if they could help you, you began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called...

8. Nov 21: you looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while you picked your nose.

9. Nov 26: While handling knife in hunting department, you asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

10. Nov 28: You darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

11. Dec 3: In the auto department, you practiced your ‘Madonna look' by using different sized funnels.

12. Dec 5: you hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, you yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

13.Dec 6: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, you assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

14.Dec 7 you were observed releasing piglets into the woman’s clothing department, brightly marked one, two, three, and five,
Our staff spent two days trying to find number four .
And last, but not least:

15. Dec 8: You went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[LordLuken]

You should be banned just for the Americanisms in that post alone!!