Search found 118 matches
- Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:06 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: A few things to think about
- Replies: 0
- Views: 736
A few things to think about
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the ba...
- Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:04 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Coffee Dilemma
- Replies: 1
- Views: 893
Coffee Dilemma
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee". The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you sho...
- Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:03 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Coffee Dilemma
- Replies: 1
- Views: 871
Coffee Dilemma
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee". The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you sho...
- Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:02 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: a few short jokes
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1053
a few short jokes
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He smashed his his nose. Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken... A girl went into a doctors office with a Stra...
- Tue Dec 27, 2011 6:51 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Three Mice
- Replies: 1
- Views: 956
Three Mice
Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot. Th...
- Tue Dec 27, 2011 6:50 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Night Shift
- Replies: 1
- Views: 909
Night Shift
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was sta...
- Tue Dec 27, 2011 6:43 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Human Race Doomed?
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1067
Human Race Doomed?
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No pur...
- Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:38 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Virgins
- Replies: 1
- Views: 957
Virgins
Virgin Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota,takes a lightning quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Le...
- Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:37 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Round like a shot
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1026
Round like a shot
Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up... A minute I rang again: "hello, I called you a minute ago because there were people ...
- Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:37 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Chemists last words
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1013
Chemists last words
The last words of a chemist: 1. And now the tasting test. 2. May that become hot? 3. And now a little bit from this... 4. ... and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was my mineral water? 8. The bunsen burner *is* ou...
- Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:36 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: From A Mother With Love
- Replies: 0
- Views: 774
From A Mother With Love
Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here too...
- Wed Dec 14, 2011 2:11 am
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Mike Died
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1629
Mike Died
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!" "Woah, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb...
- Wed Dec 14, 2011 2:09 am
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1098
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a ...
- Mon Nov 21, 2011 12:39 am
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: PIERCING
- Replies: 1
- Views: 990
- Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:38 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Each man gives a story
- Replies: 1
- Views: 949
Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your stor...
- Mon Nov 07, 2011 1:13 am
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: I want to try and break these rhode Island laws
- Replies: 1
- Views: 898
I want to try and break these rhode Island laws
It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years. Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonmen...
- Wed Nov 02, 2011 11:03 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Ploughing the land
- Replies: 1
- Views: 868
Ploughing the land
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The fa...
- Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:07 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: A few treats and som dodgy tricks
- Replies: 1
- Views: 918
A few treats and som dodgy tricks
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher. Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back! How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball? He turns int...
- Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:52 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: At the vet
- Replies: 1
- Views: 1015
At the vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead. The man, clearl...
- Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:26 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Funny Japan game show
- Replies: 1
- Views: 896
- Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:24 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: if you go to japan watch out for stuff like this
- Replies: 1
- Views: 785
- Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:00 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Nag,Nag,Nag
- Replies: 2
- Views: 731
Nag,Nag,Nag
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be get...
- Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:52 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Beer Troubleshooting
- Replies: 1
- Views: 774
Beer Troubleshooting
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tastele...
- Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:26 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Two Blondes
- Replies: 0
- Views: 535
Two Blondes
There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
- Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:25 pm
- Forum: FUNNY STUFF
- Topic: Two Blondes
- Replies: 1
- Views: 711
Two Blondes
There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"